#Gratitude

This time of year is always bittersweet for me. I lost my mother on the 7th of November 2013. Things just haven’t been the same without her, let alone the holidays. It’s a struggle. There are Days when it seems like it’s impossible to breathe. I carry on, I have to. I have a little one to care for. She needs me and I WON’T let her down.

I have to be mindful of things that are good in my life. I have to remind myself to have a heart full of

#Gratitude

 

Believe and Invest

I don't want anyone to GIVE me anything.I simply ask for you to BELIEVE in me, and INVEST.
I don’t want anyone to GIVE me anything.I simply ask for you to BELIEVE in me, and INVEST.

 

I think every ambitious person has been there. The intense and almost insane desire to achieve something, yet, the requirements to obtain it seem out of reach due to lack of support. I was never given a thing, not even things I should have been given  — as a child mind you. However, Instead of dwelling on the past and complaining about the ‘problem’, I decided to focus on the solution. So here it is, Self-investment has always been on the forefront, however assistance and connections with things I may be unable to do, is another, especially due to the fact that the things I wish for, are not for myself. I want to help people and for generations to come. I hope to connect with others who believe in doing the same.

 

 

From Tragedy to Triumph

I attended the Amber Rose Slut Walk in DTLA yesterday. Through everything anyone could or would take away from the event, and no matter how hypercritical you could be of the walk itself or even of Amber. I found, tucked away in a corner of silence, a story of innocence not only lost, but ripped from this young girls’ life. Being a young woman and us being only a few years apart in age, I had to hold back the tears, as I read what she had to say on a sign she made the night before the walk.

 

No Means No Sign. Amber Rose Slut Walk.
No Means No Sign. Amber Rose Slut Walk.

The first time it happened, I was 14 years old… then it happened a few more times after that. It was late at night and perhaps I was out when I shouldn’t have been. Perhaps I was hanging out with people I shouldn’t have been, in a neighborhood I shouldn’t have been in. I had clothes on that perhaps I shouldn’t have. And might I add, at age 14 — I didn’t look 14… I didn’t tell anybody. Because with all that follows, how could I not be blamed… right?? I was asking for it? I had no business being out that late, that people would ask me about the shorts and tank top I had on. So the few times after, I still felt hurt, guilt and afraid that somehow it would be my fault. I had been “in the wrong place, at the wrong time…” I am now 24 years old and fear of being in “the wrong place at the wrong time…” It has been 10 years since that first time, and I am now breaking my silence, because for 10 years, my silence had broken me. I walk today to say, no matter what the circumstance, no matter what we wear, where we are or what time of night it is, this is not something that we ask for!! NO MEANS NO!!

It took me back to a time that I have spent countless seconds, minutes, hours, days; leading up to years trying to repress…

The story of my own abuse.

As I look down at my little girl, I cannot help but be filled with rage as to how I would react if anyone and I mean, A-N-Y-O-N-E even attempted to harm her.

Her words I read, evoked these emotions within me, perhaps they would have laid dormant for years more… now I feel empowered to speak out. Not for myself,  but for the protection of ALL Women, Children and especially Young Girls.

This brave young woman should be celebrated. She may not be aware of the fact that she is a Hero.  A Hero to all the silenced and broken women out in the world, who’s only form of therapy has been placing a band-aid on their abuse. She is a pioneer, stepping out and breaking her silence. UN-breaking her heart in an attempt to heal. Turning her tragedy into triumph.

I will follow her lead…

Planting a Seed

I recently have developed a love for gardening. Now mind you, I’m not really the outdoor, get my hands dirty type of gal. I’m way too much of a germaphobe, however lately I’ve been getting better at managing my OCD for being ‘prestine clean’. That coupled with my hubby having a SUPER green and I mean, BEYOND green thumb, I thought that if he can do it, so can I.

I started small. I purchase some herbs that were already sprouted and decided to transfer them into pots at home and then continue to care for them from that point forward. It worked; kinda. As it turns out, we have a caterpillar in our yard, and needless to say, he’s very hungry…

I was a bit disappointed, then I referred back to the sliver lining theory. And I figured, at least (hopefully) we would get some beautiful butterflies out of the deal.

So I had to start over. Not one of my strong suits. However, I was determined to get this right. I went to the hardware store to purchase some more pots. This time I made sure to pick up the Clay pots, something about plastic is a bit unnerving to me, the plastic just seems so unnatural. I also purchased some seeds.

Lavender. Planted from seeds. Putting my Green Thumb to work!
Lavender. Planted from seeds. Putting my Green Thumb to work!

I chose my favorite herb and color, Lavender. With so many health benefits, I’m astonished that I hadn’t started growing my own lavender sooner.

I was going to start from scratch. No “starter” plants, nothing. Just the soil, seeds, water, sunshine and little ol’ me.

This process reminded me of many times in life when I had to plant a seed for a future harvest. At the time, it seems so ‘unfruitful’, if you will. Almost like a waste of time, even. It can be so difficult to see the end result, especially when it’s something that’s being planted and you don’t really have any power or control over whether or not things will work out, yet you plant the seeds anyway.

Because when you step out on faith. Miracles happen.

Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.

As I await for the lavender seeds to continue to bloom and *flourish*. I am reminded of the constant desire for a harvest in our lives, yet without the initial planting of seeds, our work will be in vain.  I am excited to see the next phase and look forward to enjoying the end result of faith and planting a small seed.

 

Hypercritical of our Children

Do you ever feel that young children are the Most and Highly criticized people on the planet? Many before they’re able to hold their own heads up autonomously? Why is that? I guess it never dawned on me prior to becoming a mommy myself ( that coupled with the fact it’s simply not in my nature to criticize nor ridicule others. ) but I’ve been noticing the increase in the insensitive things that people tend to say about babies and children. Case in point, if I hear how my baby girl has “big feet” “big hands” “a big head” or anything else that is described as “BIG” one more time, I’m going to flip out! and tell the person ( in not so nice words, mind you ), about how flawed they are as a full grown adult — and how my baby has her entire life ahead of her to grow into and or, out of any ‘physical attribute that is deemed so tragic and so undesirable’… and the worst part is, these comments tend to come from the people closest to us, our own family. Not strangers.

I’ve even caught myself looking at my baby as if the person has discovered something that I missed, then I snap back into reality ( Thank God ) and realize there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with my baby. She is proportionate, healthy and strong. No one is perfect, nor looks perfect. And I do not want her to grow up with any ideas that she has something wrong with her, then look to Instagram or whatever social media outlet, in attempt to achieve validation.

Gosh, it drives me insane! How is it that it’s okay to have complete lack of self control and courtesy when it comes to a child, and your conversations with or pertaining to them, especially those that are descriptive of their person. Would it be appropriate to point out to an adult woman and mention her defined ‘crows feet’ or the ever-receding hair line of a man?? N-O, not even if the message was delivered in a joking manner. You would be viewed as rude, insensitive and down right cruel according to the etiquette standards of some. The old adage of “sticks and stones” is a fallacy. Words hurt worse than a stick, stone or anything that could be thrown.

Now, I am in no way insinuating that everyone engages in this type of behavior. This is a semi-rant, about those who do.

My point is, a young child’s self-esteem is delicate, I know. I suffered from low-self esteem most of my life, that stemmed from lack of compassion or discernment from my own parents, who did not see the value of a healthy, confident child. But that’s another post entirely.

So please, I implore everyone to be a little more mindful when you see a baby/child, to ensure your ‘filter’ is attached, and not be so hypercritical of what they look like, nor point out all the so-called “flaws” they possess.

They’re children, and even if you think they cannot understand what is being said about them, I, as their mommy, am fully able to comprehend what is being said and the meaning behind such damaging language.

God is Still Good

I was feeling low today. Then all of a sudden, something happened. God spoke to me through a person whom I have never met, do not know personally and she is completely unaware that she spoke life into me with God’s powerful Word. It shook me and I had to immediately share this with you all today.

No matter what we may face in life, no matter how difficult things may look. No matter the hurt we may be experiencing at the moment, no matter the seemingly insurmountable ‘things’ that are standing in our way. Trust and Know this.

God is Still Good

Each and every morning I begin with a renewed Faith, and know without a shadow of a doubt that He watches over me.

 

Lemon Detox Water

Detox Lemon Lime Water
Detox Lemon-Lime Water.

“It takes 21 days to form a new habit.” – James Clear. Sounds easy enough, right? We’ve all been there. We’re excited and really feeling the motivation from the Instagram scroll that kept our attention for an hour too long, but we justify it because it added to our much needed inspiration and got us focused. Whatever new endeavor you were attempting; increase our exercise, improve our nutrition, decrease our alcohol consumption or the amount of reality t.v. we watch on a weekly basis. The lists can go on. Instead if attempting to tackle the multitude of things I wish to change in my life. I referred back to a common acronym; K.I.S.S… ( I’ll let you fill in the blanks). So I started with the one person I can control. Me. Even after giving birth, having this tiny individual to take care of, still does not render me in control of her, funny how that works…. and because of that, I came to the realization that in order for me to be a better person, thus enabling me to become and be a better mommy. I have to first master my own self discipline. So I began simple  (which is my biggest goal here.) I want to encourage other mommies to not be so hard on themselves, to get back to simplicity and take things one step at a time. That is exactly what I did.

Detox Water
Detox Water

With a simple water routine that I was eager to form into a habit. Having 16 oz (minimum) of room temp lemon or lemon-lime water each and every morning, soon after I’ve awakened (or been awakened by Khynd) and before I eat or drink anything (yes, even my beloved Detox Tea). As I drink, I focus on the cleansing of my palate, my next breath, my poster, all the while contemplating how to increase and infuse more humility into my life. In a sense, it’s a detox for my body (hepatic and renal systems to be exact) but for my mind as well. This simple act of a detox or cleanse, enables me to calm myself, start a new day fresh and remember to keep things simple. I encourage you to give it a try. #DetoxWater #Detox #Cleanse #NewMommyLife